Love letter to single ladies
Mind,  Soul

A Love Letter to My Single Sisters on Valentine’s Day

Before I got married I was single for most of my life. My husband was only my second boyfriend. Today I am very grateful that the Lord guided my life in this way, but as a young, insecure girl it was very tough to always be the single lady among the taken ones.

So I have first-hand experience of the two occasions that fill every single girl’s heart with dread and still make me cringe to this day: Valentine’s Day and the tossing of the bouquet at a wedding.

Valentine’s Day was originally instituted by Pope Gelasius I in AD 496 and is celebrated on February 14 in honour of the Christian martyr, most probably Valentine of Rome or Valentine of Terni. Valentine’s Day or St. Valentine was never intended to be associated with romantic love. It was only when the poet Geoffrey Caucher wrote two lines in his poem Parlement of Foules in 1382 that the two were married. (See what I did there?) 

[“For this was on St. Valentine’s Day, when every bird cometh there to choose his mate.”]

from Parlement of Foules (1382) by Geoffrey Chaucer.

Interesting side notes: Chaucer’s poem concludes with the birds singing a song, having failed to choose their mates and deciding to defer the decision until the next year.

These days Valentine’s Day has been taken over by every shop owner and his dog who wants to make an extra penny – both at the expense of poor lovers who feel pressure to spend money to prove their love, as well as singletons who fear the reminder of their singleness so they spend it on the next best person. Here is a spoiler alert for those in the latter group: It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Like most things that are oversold and hyped up this day of hearts and chocolates just can’t live up to the ridiculous expectations.

The other dreaded single girl moment, the tossing of the bouquet at a wedding, actually originated in medieval England where, before this, it was custom to try and grab a piece of the bride’s wedding dress for good luck. The new custom was developed to distract guests while the bride and groom fled to the marriage chamber. The bride would toss the bouquet and the groom would toss the garter.

Lynette speaking to single ladies at wedding

I despised this tradition as an unmarried woman, so I refused to incorporate it into my wedding. Instead, I invited all the single ladies to form a circle around me, tried to offer a few words of wisdom and then handed each one of them a rose. I then gave my bouquet to my mom as a sign of my gratitude for her love and support, throughout my life but also especially in the months leading up to our wedding.

Since I can’t do anything about the onslaught that is Valentine’s Day, I would like to share those words with you today in an attempt to calm your heart on this Singles Awareness Day.

I realize that in the twelve years since I spoke these words and handed out these roses, not all the girls that were in the circle at my wedding, or in the larger circle of my life, have met their match. I don’t know why this is. Only God knows.

What I do know is that each one of you is in my thoughts and prayers every single day. I pray that God blesses you with a man who will help you grow closer to Jesus and a man who would be more than worthy of your love. But even if he doesn’t send you that person, I hope that you will always know that you are worthy and loved and that God is always good.

There is only one song for this post. You know it – sing along and dance to your heart’s content. ❤

One Comment

  • Hantie

    Liefste Nenettie, Dit was so ‘n pragtige gebaar om uit te reik na al jou Susters!
    Ek was so trots op jou om empatie uit te beeld!
    Die ruiker was ‘n verrassing, nie gedink ek was dit waardig nie. Dankie vir jou onselfsugtige liefde!

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